Yes, it has come to this, the point that I do not even know myself anymore. For some very simple reasons, I get fed up, I get angry, I lose my patience. What has actually changed me, the change in environment, the people around me now, or maybe its just me. Well, for starters, I am losing my patience more easily with people already. Just a simple action of talking too much, I have a tendency to just ignore you. Just a few minutes late, I would behave like some spoiled brat. It is true that everyone nature start to show. Maybe even me. To be honest, I am not too happy with the change. To get this straight, I do not respect those who do things for a reason, or rather do things just for show. I mean it is obvious that such qualities are absent when no one is looking. I may sound like some whining girl here, but it is true. Such people are all around. Yes, blame the system, everyone will say. The system forces us to be like this. But how much can the blame be pushed. Is it even fair to just fully blame the system. I am quite sure this is not the case. Still nevertheless, I would have to endure for another 2 months. Sure why not, since I already been doing that for the past 2 months. You will never know, after all this, I might be able to deal with such people next time, consider it another soft skills learnt huh! Another question kept ringing in my head. Why am I holding back so much. Have I missed the moment. The feeling is not right now and it is making me feel very stuffy all round. Is this the problem or something else is the problem. The only thing that I think I am sure would probably be that I am a train wreak now. And a really bad one. I can never seem to handle my own problems well.

看了其他人的快乐，不知不觉中，想起自己是否曾经有那么快乐过。我总在问自己，怎样才能遭到自己的幸福，自己的快乐。难道，我有什么犹豫才导致现在的我。现在我需要的是什么，连我自己也在捉摸。

Up till now, I am still waiting for that letter to come, the letter to accept my application. Cause I know well, if I don't receive anything, I might get a chance to be who I really want to be.

This morning I exited my house with a wonderful surprise, yet again, appearing on my doorstep. A shoutout to this particular group of people, there is a difference between '07' and '10' , so I appeal to YOU that next time you could probably look again before carrying out your work of art, which I don't find it abstract at all.

Next, which crook strikes the same place twice? I tell you which- they are either blur or just plain dumb. I would like to believe that they are dumb to even carry out their work of art. Honestly, find the person you want to find and leave the others alone. It is not as if we are going to beg to find the person for you. Now thanks to them, my doorstep became the new Singapore Art Museum for people to view. And US have to take care of the mess.

The crook aside. The "victim" should be blamed also. Hello, '10' could you at least control your habits. Your habits got your neighbours into alot of trouble to clean up you know. Now, I am just pissed off. Today was supposed to start off happy, instead, it messes up everything. Really, thanks for the trouble. Next time I see you, remember to ask me for your commendation gift yeah.

Had some family time today, which was great. Went over to the Chevrons to get some extra items I needed before making the way down to IMM for some shopping. Ended up, I got a hat. I already told myself I would not be getting anymore, but I guess it doesnt work at all-.-

Tmr, I am going to witness my classmates POP. Inevitably, I was very envious of them cause mine will only come 3 months later. Still, this means that they are ready to move on to their next part of the NS life! Maybe, when i see the parade tmr, I would be even more motivated to do well. WOuldnt that be great!

And it had been 2 weeks already and I did not receive any letters from the beloved universities. I cant help but to worry that I will have nowhere to go. I am hoping that I could get them by this week so that I could have at least sleep a little bit better. Then again, what can I do with the lousy results that cambridge gave to me.

这个世界其实没有那么复杂，带着快乐的姿态，再多的挫折都不怕，只因为我相信，结果不是真的而真正的结果是我留下的狂热。
Adapted from ‘这一刻’倪安东

只要相信任何问题都有解决的方法，只要永不言败，找出解决的方法，任何事都可以挽结。说不定，结果会与众不同。对不对？

It does not feel like a chore anymore. Maybe is the weekly bookout. At least, there is something for me to look forward to every week. This week, is exceptionally long. Learnt a lot this week and experienced plenty. Had my some firsts, it was memorable I would have to say.

One thing that has been on my mind that is bothering me. I felt that I was not being honest. I could give myself the excuse that I did not notice but somehow the feeling is bothering me. Could I just let this matter pass just like that and improve from there, or should I have any other actions. It feels so conflicting now that I could not properly sleep. Yes, it is a small matter and it would be unimportant to some. But it is a question of my values and what I believe.

That matter aside, had a wonderful outing today. Nice food, awesome environment and fun people around. I really enjoyed myself, but people probably think I don't enjoy it maybe. I don't know, I am not really good in showing my emotions and everything. Part of me want to just escape and explode, and to be the enthusiastic one. But a big part of me likes to remain low profile and just enjoy the moment.

Now, 3 more days to go. I am going to relax myself this week and look forward to the upcoming week!

The last time I did this, it was results. Now, I just embarked myself onto another life. Not that I was given any choice, I had no choice. Soon, one more week, I will be celebrating my 1 month anniversary as a soldier. Don't get me wrong, the only reason i am counting down so that i can pass out as soon as possible.

I am at my 2nd book out now. This week felt special but at the same time, very tired. First, I met up with quite alot of people. The downside was, the week was far beyond crazy. Sometimes I wonder, do they do this to kill us? I admit, I am whining and complaining about it and I do understand their intentions but seriously, its crazy. Suddenly, I have many things to complete, many things to do. It would seem i do not have any extra time.

Spending almost 1 month in the government sector, I learnt something. We wait to rush and we rush to wait. Honestly, I am not kidding. Though I am not allowed to talk specifically which sector I am working at, sometimes, I feel that time is not an important factor for them to consider. I feel that most of the time is just plain wasted and unnecessary. I am sure that if the time were to put to good use and more careful planning, it would be much much more efficient. Another thing I learnt, this place also train us to practice hypocrisy. Sure, we were punished for shouting at our fellow company mates. In the end, what do we do to prevent more punishment for us. Simple, we just encourage each other! On the outside, it may sound that we are very motivated. In reality, this is not the case at all. How many people are actually sincerely encouraging one another? Let's face it, we are selfish creatures whom care more about themselves than other people. No one can be that noble that will always put someone else in front of himself. The way that values that are imparted to us are therefore in my opinion, ridiculous and fake. There are merely taught to us because they feel that it is important to us. What is the point, I seriously do not understand. I guess, I will never understand.

And looking at the time now, I have to return to the place and continue learning 'values' that they want to impart to us everyday. Maybe 1 day when i go crazy, I might just tell them the truth. For now, it would be impossible. I would like to see how long more they would want to continue making a joke out of themselves.